Mea Maxima Culpa

Dear Tish,
First, I want to apologize for doing this in writing. Our recent communications have left me wanting, and I tend to get a bit flustered in person; also, I haven’t the energy to write this all by hand. Before I delve deeper into anything else, I wanted to apologize for the way things have happened. I have neither the need nor the desire to pathologize your behavior, and I hope you’ll at least hear me out for mine.
When you first responded to me, aside from calling me untrustworthy, you accused me of avoiding you. That accusation is 100% true, but not for the reason you assumed it to be. (Even if you don’t believe me, which is your right, I at least wish to clear the air.) I was avoiding you because I felt that I had appropriately and graciously ended things between us in the note I’d sent you. It said, essentially, that while I deeply appreciated everything you had done for me in regards to Mexico (which I do), I felt it unwise to continue the charade of our supposed friendship. Long before our trip, I was made painfully aware that I would never be sufficiently important to you to gain your loyalty. Nevertheless, I enjoyed your company, despite the fact that drama and intrigue tended to circle like buzzards about us. Mexico was the final straw for me, in that I felt unable to tolerate how manipulative I became around you, and how manipulative you were around me. I always felt that I had to watch what I said, because I never knew who would next hear it. I didn’t like what type of person that made me, and feeling that I was unable to be a full friend to you, I decided to be strong and admit it.
As for the money side of things, I was embarrassed and horrified when first I discovered the nature of the problem. Your first message back to me on the subject, correct me if I am wrong, in no way indicated a dire, urgent need for repayment. You merely stated that you had given up on me repaying you (shaming me further, as that is not reflective of my character); as a result, I planned to pay you back as quickly as I could, in chunks, as my financial situation has changed since we went to Mexico, preventing me from summoning the funds in one chunk. Without any other recourse, that is what I plan to do, and I hope to have you repaid as soon as humanly possible.
I haven’t any excuse other than my own errors, and that I regret them deeply and the pain they have caused you. Expect me to contact you in about two weeks (when I get paid again) and I will have another chunk for you.

Regretfully,
Matt

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